Martyrdom and Marty McFly
Nothing is more self-destructive than martyrdom.
When we compare ourselves to others, become the victims of our circumstances, and give in to the belief that we must suffer to be righteous, martyrdom is the result.
Martyrdom is not just a word — it’s an attitude and way of life. It’s when we put others first, stand up for what we believe in, and are willing to make sacrifices for the greater good. But, how does one know if you’re falling into martyr territory?
Here are five ways to know if you’re being a martyr.
You’re doing things you don’t want to do.
If you ever find yourself doing things you don’t want to do, stop and consider why you’re doing them.
Are you a martyr and doing things you don’t want to do because of a self-destructive need to suffer for your cause? Or, are you doing things you don’t want to do because you’re a people-pleaser and afraid of the consequences of not doing them?
It’s a fine line, but one that can make all the difference. If your reason for doing something you don’t want to do is because you’re a martyr, then you need to stop and find a healthier way to deal with the situation. If it’s just because you care too much about what other people think, then that’s a different matter.
You care too much about pleasing others and not enough about yourself.
You feel resentful and angry.
If you find yourself feeling resentful and angry with the person you’re closest to, that’s a big red flag.
If you feel the need to lash out and say things that are hurtful, chances are you’re feeling resentful and angry at yourself. If you’re guilty of being a martyr and setting yourself up to feel resentful and angry, that’s a sure sign. When we set ourselves up to be martyrs, we’re expecting others to treat us badly.
We’re expecting to be put upon, and we’re expecting to put others first — even when they don’t deserve it. If you’re the type of person who expects others to take advantage of you, you’re setting yourself up for resentment and anger.
If you find yourself constantly expecting people to let you down and treat you poorly, you’re being a martyr.
You have little (or no) control over the situation.
If you have little or no control over a situation and yet find yourself taking responsibility for it, you’re being a martyr. If you find yourself in a situation where you have little or no control, yet you’re taking responsibility for it, you’re being a martyr.
Remember, martyrs take responsibility for things they don’t have control over. They don’t have control over how other people choose to behave, but they take responsibility for it anyway — and get angry when others don’t treat them the way they think they deserve. If you’re in a situation where you have little or no control and you’re taking responsibility for it, you’re a martyr.
Take some time to examine your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Are you taking responsibility for something you don’t have control over?
You constantly apologize and find excuses for other people’s behavior.
If you’re constantly apologizing and making excuses for other people’s bad behavior, you’re doing something wrong.
If you’re constantly making excuses for the people you care about, and apologizing when they don’t deserve it, you’re a martyr. If you’re constantly apologizing and making excuses for the people you care about, you’re being a martyr.
When we constantly apologize for something we have no control over, we’re being a martyr.
If you constantly apologize for something you have no control over, you’re being a martyr. Find ways to speak your truth and draw a line in the sand. You’re being a martyr when you apologize for someone else’s bad behavior and excuse it with “it’s just the way they are” or “they don’t mean it” or “they don’t know any better.”
If you constantly apologize for other people’s bad behavior and find excuses for it, you’re a martyr.
You feel like a victim and use that as an excuse to be miserable.
If you feel like a victim and use that as an excuse to be miserable, you’re being a martyr. Martyrs feel like victims and use that as an excuse to be miserable. If you’re putting yourself in situations you have no control over and feeling like you’re a victim, you’re being a martyr. If you feel like you’re a victim of your circumstances and use that as an excuse to be miserable, you’re a martyr.
So, what do you do if you feel like a victim and find yourself using it as an excuse to be miserable? Forgive yourself and stop.
What do you mean, “stop”? Stop doing what you’re doing that’s making you a victim.
Stop taking responsibility for things you don’t have control over. Stop finding ways to put yourself in situations where you feel like a victim. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Conclusion
Being a martyr isn’t about expecting to suffer for the sake of your cause; it’s about expecting other people to sacrifice for it.
When we compare ourselves to others, become the victims of our circumstances, and give in to the belief that we must suffer to be righteous, martyrdom is the result.
The good news is that we all have the power to stop being a martyr.
All it takes is being honest with ourselves, examining our thoughts and actions, and finding ways to make a change.
